#also jesus christ it makes me feel like i'm going crazy all these plastic shoes are more expensive than leather | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

whimsically-ominously-auspice · 5 years ago

Text

Real feel: mother fucking wear your gloves!!

So 36 cars all sweept in most with red Xs

19 cars altogether got pulled over

2 cars got arrested I saw one being towed away. Almost 3 did but he self soothed himself and calmed down.

My dad (uncle) came and every car left in the parking lot took off in flight.

Denise the clone also came. She can't jump stsrt a car so she expected me to wait for her then wait for a tow truck and my dad knew we were gonna get in a fight cause ita too dam cold for that and she's on her rape cycle and I refuse to get in a car with her. Because it's annoying and I don't want her feeling satisfied she can breathe the same air as me.

It's 5 minutes, 10 at most to jump. 45 minutes to wait for a man and its like 20 minutes to the store.

And i learned how to jump start without lighting the cables on fire, now. Lucas says "oh please! That's the best way!" But not really. It doesn't actually work...

I have no circulation... So I was ice cold in like 10 minutes. So it would had warmed me, tho.

But yeah dad pulls in and suddenly everyone acts like they're escaping jail.

.... I know i should just went in and stared at that super hottt clone hottie that was super super hot and stocking water... But that IS kinda creepy even if he is Just a clone... I was all driving by in my Wal-Mart wheelchair cart and I was all whoa... Is he..? Wait i gotta see l.. Because he squatted down with his hot warm balls beneath him and so I was all lets stop right here in the middle of life and discuss what's on our shopping list until he comes up from behind the pallet...

"Oh my God. Now i see why I was so in love with you William" while my heart literally leaps from my chest bounces back and goes out of rhythem while pounding through 2 shirts.

So then we laughed at my reaction for half hour

Dam he was rugged and hot...

One time I picked up William early for work and I seen him and he ducked behind some concrete shelving used to block off the street from traffic...

And oh my God...

I was walking and I seen him and I was all "oh does he loo--" and he looked at me, i swear and ducked and so i was all "well I'm gonna go see. I don't think William will mind.. Its not like i totally think hes sexy but he might be... I'll just go see... Is it William..?"

Because he was waaaay sexier at work than home... Like there it's all comfy and fun and sexy but this was outside and he looked all sparkly and God like like yum

Now he claims he saw me and saw "a woman on the prowl way too sexy to be at the job site for any work related reason" so to be safe from a kidnapping situation he decided to hide

And hide he did

I leaned over to peek and he kept hiding and hiding and asked some guys at the truck "is she gone?"

"No"

One asked "why are you hiding from your wife?"

"Man! I got one at home! Well i am engaged. Man is she crazy? Does she look it?! Fuck man! Im gonna be so busted! I need to get home! I can't get kidnapped! Fuck this!"

And my eyes got real wide and the guy at the truck just shrugged cause i was all what do i do?!?!

So i kinda jumped and leaned over real far over the cement shelving. "Well HI!!"

I was gonna ask him if he thought i was a psycho bitch then to my face but i slid on the plastic and unfortunately I was wearing a shorter dress than usual.

So he stood up "ma'am I'm just checking the paperwork ill be right back" and ducked again.

"Baby! Uh hi! Baby I don't want to yell but I think i just showed everyone my thong!!"

"What?! Okay i have to finish the uhh paperwork. Man my wife ain't even here shes at home finishing up supper or something"

"Uhm baby! There's a lot of men here which one do you want me to go home with?!"

"Uh any!! Just not me!!"

Mind you everyone is looking at me and him and listening. This is outta control and m6 husband does not say that shit to me, i tried being solid now it was fight time. So i leaned over the other end of the cement wall he loved more than me and lowered my voice "hey psst yeah. Psst William man that crazy bitch is gone now. Jump in the truck and we will take you home!!"

"Really?!?!" He lowered the clipboard he hid behind. "Oh... No.., see.., no i got a ride already!"

"Yeah with me you dumb goon"

"No in here see!" And he jumped in the back of the truck. "I finished the paperwork. Alright let's go!"

So i started to walk over and he jumped way far back in the truck

"Can you please help me? Are you the one i called?" I asked the guy laughing painfully through the whole ordeal.

He looked me up and down real hard "you sure you dont want me to take yoh home?!"

"Am i even at the right construction site?!?!"

"Yes you are. Here hand him this piece of paper." Then he yelled over "HEY WILL she called a little before lunch and left a note and asked if it was alright if she came up and surprised you and i said yeah.. I didn't know you would go a little crazy..."

"She ain't my wife!! Shes too sexy!"

"WHAT??? IM GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!!! IM FUCKING COMING UP THERE YOU BETTER GET DOWN!"

"No fuck you bi-atch!!! Wait... Honey? Is that you? I recognize your fingernail because you smashed it the other day"

"Oh it's alright. Just come down" i pleaded.

"With the hammer..." He began walking towards me "let me see it" he looked at it. "Miiiiike if you ever do that again I'm beating the shit out of you." And he sat at the end of the tail gate "well i already got a ride home, with him."

"Okay fine"

"Wait let me see what you have in your hand. These are our keys!! These are mine you're not having them and not allowed in my house Like that... Dressed like a... A... Skank!!"

"Well what do you want me to do? Stay here and get gang raped?!"

"Jesus Christ okay babe prove to me you're my wife"

"Okay fine but don't tell me your sorry" i went around the truck and took off my panties wadded them up and stuffed them in his hand "they're your favorite"

"Yeah but everyone knows that!"

"Who do you tell? Who the fuck do you tell about your favorite panties?!" Like im beyond mad. And I am yelling.

"Yeah well where did you get that dress?! Whose money did you use to buy it??! Hmm?"

"Ive had enough of me" i tried to get MY csr keys back and he wouldn't let me take them "being mother fucking nice to you" he was stronger than me So i tried to armpit trick

"Fuck you being mean to me! Come here!"

"You'll tear my dress! No! My shoe!"

"I think she's really upset at me. I think I've upset her" I bent to fix my shoe and my dress didn't cover ... Anything... Back there. "Hey quit it will you?!"

"Just give me back the key to my car and keep every thing else. Fuck it. Im tired of you anyway. I cook i clean and i come to surprise you and this is what i get and I REFUSE TO CRY HERE IN FRONT OF EVERYONE SO GIVE ME BACK MY SHIT!!!" and i threw the paperwork in his face and busted his nose.

"I,understand you're my baby but did you need to hit me in the face and make my nose bleed?" He said calmly snd slowly

"Youre not bleeding, oh yeah you are. Use the panties"

So this bastard stands up in the back of the truck with my panties to his face and says "Hey Everyone, I'd Like You To Meet My Wife!"

"We've seen a whole lot of her already"

I turn around and there's not 5 or 6 guys anymore. There's 30.

"Oh shit" and I pull my dress down. "Can we just leave?! Please?!?"

"Yeah!! Lets go!!"

So he picked me up and rushes to the car with me and a bunch of dudes come around the corner and i tell him to put me down cause I can feel his hand on my bare ass.

So hes all "goddang it why did you dress so sultry?!"

"For my husband!!! who is apparently a God dang Ass Hole!!!!!!! when hes at work!!"

"Oh honey i didn't mean anything by---"

"Come on let's go!!!" As we rush around the corner there's like 50 construction workers staring hard. "I am never doing this again!!"

"Why?!"

"Hurry and please open the door!!" He reached across and unlocked it

I covered my face with my hands "oh my god oh no you're insane!"

"What? What are you saying to me?!"

"Don't you know you have PTSD? Male trauma? Because I Didnt!!"

"Well yeah I was kidnapped when i was like five!!"

"But you didn't even know me!?!"

"You never wear makeup and not dresses that short!"

"I do all the time!! I walk around partially naked all the time!!!" I looked at traffic "its just the lipstick here let me wipe it off"

"Thats better you could did that at the construction site!"

"Well i just put it back on in the car and I didn't know that's why you were freaking out and going insane on me!!"

"Put it back on?! Why the Hell?!

"I ate a biscuit"

"Why did you put it on in the first place?"

"Have you seen in my caboodle? I have a ton of it! When you get home, look!!"

"Okay alright i will"

"Where are we going? I thought we would go to Tulsa"

"Not now! I gotta go home to make sure you are --- you!!! Now come on!!

"You're the one driving"

"Its my car!!"

"No! Its mine and my dad's see the registration?!?!"

"That's it I'm gonna pull over. Let me see the mole that's on your thigh"

"Its not a mole! Its a freckle!"

"Fine let me see it And you drive!!"

"Okay Okay fine I'll let you see it"

He looks "ok you're you then!"

"Who else would i be?!?"

"A clone!"

"From the freezer?!? Come on! Not me! Let me drice then!"

"You're losing your cool and you never do!"

"Omg Jesus Christ are you kidding me?!?"

"Uhm no"

"I need to start smoking pot. We need to get our own place and we do then this happens."

"Smoking pot?! Uhm no! I do not think so! Here you drive then!! You're a nervous wreck. You need control"

"No i need sex but my husband is INSANE!! I try a nice surprise to be unspoiled and then this happens!"

"Who calls you spoiled?!"

"YOU DO!!"

"Jesus Christ! Do you want a hotel?!"

"What?! No we got dishes at home. They will get me unstressed"

"HON-EY!"

"I'm getting in the back seat PULL OVER!!"

"Now I'm talking! You think i want you to come all this way to go home?"

"BACKSEAT!!!"

As soon as the back Windows fogged a truck of his co-workers drove by honking.

When we finished he said

"We are going home because you NEVER do that to Me!!"

"It was a surprise!! And no im not driving! Im staying in the back seat!"

"You NEVER do that to Me either!!!"

"Well it's a surprise!!!"

I wanna cry he upset me so much so I'm,all screaming from my throat and it sounds all shrill and out of control and hes like trying to calm me down and I don't want to be upset and feeling like life is out of control but he really showed me shit i hadn't seen and I was scared to be at home because what was next? I used a different sauce because I was pregnant and so he throws me out into the street? Barefoot and all because i look different? So i just cried myself to sleep in the back seat of my own car because I didn't know what else to do and it was the only thing i could accomplish that day,

I heard the car door open and close...

He didn't go around the other side to open and get me out... It was dark and cold already.

"There's no one upstairs. Now what do you want to do?" He sat in the car

"I'll just go to my parents. I'll come get my clothes later"

So he yanked open the car door, jumped out, threw the seat forward, yanked me out of the car, threw me over his shoulder, put his hand over my bare ass and carried me up 3 flights of stairs.

Put me in the single comfy chair we had and made dinner.

He sat on a pillow on the floor next to me and fed me.

"What are we going to do if i get pregnant and my body starts to change?"

"Ill just take pictures. I'll use my Polaroid"

I had found out I wss pregnant that morning... Feeling sick like crazy... I took a test in the gas station bathroom. Wrapped it in my purse and went and bought a new dress and shoes and went home, took a bath did my hair and thought I had the whole day still so i should go surprise him at work and go out in Tulsa and make it special... Not days later after the whole town had to come over and seperate us from fighting cause I'm kinda crazy pregnant... And after 2 weeks of couple's therapy and he says "oh baby you're sick a lot i think you may be pregnant. You think?"

"Oh yeah i am. Check my purse."

He did take me out to Tulsa... And I was a bit sad... Because we had been through a lot since that day.. And i wanted telling him to be really special... Turned out he was.

I had taken Polaroid of myself that morning before i got dressed and one from the side and then one after. And wrote "oh!" "Baby!!" "Surprise!" And the date.

Cause I learned how to set the timer and take one of myself

So he went and got them abd said "okay im sorry i shouldn't yelled at you for taking naked Polaroids of your self. Now I see why you would take them. Okay?"

"I guess."

"DID I NOT APOLOGIZE RIGHT?!"

"MAYBE I DIDN'T YELL AT YOU RIGHT WHEN YOU YELLED AT ME!!"

He got up like he was fuming mad and circled me like a vulture i Put my arms up and he circled me 2x more then stopped in front of me and I put my hands on his neck

"Are we going to bed? Ill cook dinner after"

"Mmhmmm I'll help!"

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